• This Week's Torah Portion

“Dead flies turn the perfumer’s ointment fetid and putrid; so a little folly outweighs massive wisdom” (Ecclesiastes 10:1). Our lived experience refutes the theory that sinners are punished and good people rewarded. Bad people sometimes succeed, good people face hardship, and most of us live somewhere in between, trying our best to live good lives, occasionally messing up and dealing with the consequences. This week’s portion, Chukat, helps us imagine what we might do when those consequences are heavier than we expect – or deserve. Early on in Chukat, a brief passage informs us that Miriam has died. Immediately, the community is thirsty and unable to find water. The rabbis of the Talmud saw the juxtaposition of Miriam’s death and the Israelites’ thirst and concluded that Miriam had a well that appeared wherever she was, providing the Israelites with a magical reservoir of water. It’s a handy trick for a people wandering in the wilderness. But when Miriam dies and the well disappears, the Israelites start kvetching(complaining), “if only we had perished when our brothers perished at the instance of the Eternal! […] There is not even water to drink!” (Numbers 20:3, 5). The complaints pile up. Anger is growing and coming at Moses from many directions. God tells Moses and Aaron there’s a rock that will provide water for the people. All Moses has to do is speak to the rock and water will gush forth. We can imagine that Moses might have felt burdened by a recalcitrant people, hungry and thirsty himself, learning on the fly how to lead this new nomadic nation. How often has he defended these ingrates from God’s wrath, only to turn around and see them disobeying the Divine law not a moment later? And now, at the first sign of difficulty, they lose faith and are ready to run back to Pharaoh. As they arrive at the rock, his seething fury blasts through the text. “Listen, you rebels,” Moses begins, “shall we get water for you out of this rock?” (Numbers 20:10). No calm faith in God’s power, no inspiring exhortation for another Divine intervention. This time, Moses is red-faced and screaming, insulting the assembled people and furious at their casual entitlement. This has been building for weeks and months, coming out in a rage-filled blow against the rock. God commanded him to speak to the rock, but instead Moses “raised his hand and struck the rock twice with his rod. Out came copious water, and the community and their beasts drank” (Numbers 20:11). The people get the water they need, but not the way God commanded. It doesn’t matter why Moses behaved the way he did. God gave a command and Moses didn’t obey. Oh, Moses. One simple mistake and despite a life given over to public service, he gets a whopper of a punishment. “Because you did not trust Me enough to affirm My sanctity in the sight of the Israelite people,” God tells him, “you shall not lead this congregation into the land that I have given them” (Numbers 20:12). No entry into the Promised Land, no fulfillment of a personal and divine vision of conquest. Moses will die on a mountaintop, looking over the border, knowing that through his own intemperate action he will be denied his life’s dream. This moment is one of the most tragic and important scenes in the Torah. We all make mistakes; sometimes, the consequences will be out of proportion to the crime. If adulthood means taking responsibility for one’s actions and owning each choice we make, then we also bear the consequences of those choices, every time. Moses doesn’t wallow, deflect, or rationalize. He continues to do his job. Given hardly a moment to catch his breath, he sends a messenger to the Edomites asking for safe passage through their territory on the way to the Promised Land. He passes Aaron’s vestments on to Eleazar, Aaron’s son, ensuring the continuity of the priesthood and helping his brother prepare for death. Moses could walk away – perhaps he wanted to – but he didn’t. Another choice, another day, life goes on. This is freedom: the understanding that the only thing we have control over is our response to the world around us. Life will frequently be unfair, unkind, and unreasonable. We will be tested, pushed, startled, shocked, and turned upside down. Resist the urge to blame others, to futilely attempt to control the world around you. You have no control over anyone but yourself. Instead, be like Moses: find freedom in letting go.