D’Var Torah By: Cantor Jamie Marx

Numbers is a book for adults. Not because of sexual content (that would be Genesis) or theological complexity (Exodus), but because it’s about choices and consequences. Every choice we make will generate an infinite number of reactions. Some reactions are foreseeable, others hidden, but what defines us as adults are our responses. The Book of Numbers is filled with stories of the Israelites struggling with the weight of responsibility. As we begin our journey through this book, and as the Israelites begin their journey through the wilderness, we’re actually witnessing their journey into adulthood. As we start Parashat B’midbar, the Israelites have spent two years hanging out at Mt. Sinai after the Exodus. God has instructed them to go to Canaan, but this trip to the Promised Land is not Abraham’s starry-eyed departure from Haran back in Genesis 12. The Israelites in Numbers are cranky, displaced, and distrusting…even after the miracles of the Exodus. Sure, they’re going to the Promised Land, but they want to know if there are restaurants and bathrooms off the turnpike. The Israelites have been living a life bounded by the tyranny of slavery and conflict. They know nothing of independence and self-reliance. Inspired by Moses’s charisma and Aaron’s leadership, the Exodus was a difficult, but ultimately straightforward, goal. Moses did all the heavy lifting, negotiating with Pharaoh and God, effecting God’s wonders so that our people might escape. Now that they’re free from the burdens of slavery, they have to shoulder responsibility for their own lives. I vividly recall the mixture of panic and possibility I felt more than 20 years ago as a newly designated “college graduate,” suddenly understanding in my kishkes (guts) that my life was no longer delineated by semesters, exams, and course requirements. The future stretched ahead into infinity. Every choice I made seemed fraught with permanence. If I took this job or that job, if I went off to grad school in Chicago or San Francisco, lived here or there, I could be stuck with that decision foryears. That’s adulthood – understanding that every choice is yours along with its consequences. I saw every minute decision as the first step on some journey whose end I couldn’t imagine. Before the Israelites head to this new land they’ve been told is theirs for the taking, the people assemble by tribe and clan to start counting heads. Like chaperones on a field trip, Moses, Aaron, and the tribal representatives make sure everyone is there. The only other instructions in this portion are the detailed rules for breaking down the Tent of Meeting and all its sacred objects. It’s smart planning – who hasn’t spent an hour packing up the car before a road trip, pulling things out and reassembling them to get everything to fit? Though we know they’ll spend 40 years wandering, for now the Israelites think they’re just moving house. “Kids, pack up your toys,” the parents might say. “Did you feed the camels?” “No, I don’t want to keep the blue blanket. I hate that blue blanket. I know your mother gave it to us, but it’s so itchy. Fine, I’ll carry it.” We’re all on these journeys, all the time. It may be a journey to break an addiction or one towards a better relationship with your partner, your kids, or your boss. It may be a journey to open the dusty clarinet case in your closet and see if you still remember the fingerings from high school, or a journey towards a stronger heart because your doctor says that heart attack six months ago won’t be the last without some major changes in your lifestyle. There are choices in front of you and a destination that you don’t quite recognize, yet you distantly understand what you want, and some amount of schlepping is required to get there. Before you start on that journey, you have the opportunity to look at what you have, what you want to keep, and what you need to let go of. The Book of Numbers is an adult book. When you’re young, you pack your stuff into a few boxes, a couple of suitcases, maybe one oversized backpack, and go. The Israelites in this portion are laden with stuff . Kids and camels, sheep and tents, neuroses and fears, the accumulation of years. They don’t know exactly where they’re headed, but they know that before they step across the proverbial threshold, they need to take stock, pack up the trunk, take a breath, then go